


Cracked Minds

by Nekos_Black_Rose_13



Series: Bucky-Blue [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Bucky-Blue verse, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Slight fluff, sappy ending is sappy, sequel to Bucky-Blue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7111501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekos_Black_Rose_13/pseuds/Nekos_Black_Rose_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After discovering that he is James Buchanan Barnes, aka. Bucky, it becomes common for him to wake up from nightmares that are more like flashbacks to the memories he's been unlocking. Killings, torture, the faces of victims. The works. Tony isn't much better, suffering from anxiety attacks at every twist and turn.</p>
<p>But the world doesn't slow down for you, even if you wish it would. But that's okay. They still have each other, right? </p>
<p>(This is the sequel to my work 'Bucky-Blue')</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracked Minds

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you and shout out to [Prixdarkheart](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Prixdarkheart/pseuds/Prixdarkheart) for giving me the idea to write this sequel. 
> 
> This whole thing takes place before, during, and after the events in Iron Man 3. I hope you guys enjoy it.

It seemed that at every turn, life was trying to tear their minds apart. Since remembering who he was, Bucky was having vivid flashback nightmares when he slept, and ever since Loki, Tony was having anxiety attacks at random. Even once or twice down in the lab. They usually coincided with the mention of New York, or the aliens, and especially the worm hole. It was obvious that staying in the Avenger Tower wasn't helping either, so they'd moved back to Malibu for some down time. 

Pepper was doing her best to try and give them all the time they needed, but she was stressed nearly to her limits. Despite her best efforts there were reports floating around on the internet about Iron Man's mental health as well as rumors that his relationship with his partner, 'Blue,' was part of the cause. Both of them knew that that wasn't true, but Bucky still worried. 

He would wake up sometimes from a nightmare to find the bed empty, which would only result in further panic. Bucky would sit up in bed and instantly reach to try and find Tony, but he wouldn't be there. His chest would clench and his heart would pound and he couldn't breathe, couldn't think. His vision would blur and the nightmares would bleed into reality. The chair, the pain, the murders, the victims. 

Seeing his victims was always the worst. He'd see them, begging for their life, for the lives of their loved ones to be spared, weeping, sobbing. That was only half the time. The other half they'd be looking at him with quiet tears running down their faces or their eyes watery with un-shed tears or their eyes dry and full of hatred, resigned to their fates at the hands of the Winter Soldier. That's what he'd been called. He remembered that. 

But it would all end when Tony would come into the room and hold him tightly, telling him that he was safe. He wasn't that person. That it hadn't been his fault, and he'd been forced to do those things. That would help. He'd cling to Tony and ask him to please stay. He would, of course. Sometimes when Bucky woke up again Tony would still be there, completely dead asleep. Other times he'd be back down in the workshop cooking up new tech for the armor or for Stark Industries. 

Bucky always worried about Tony. He was eating, but Bucky would have to bring their meals down to the lab and Tony would ramble on about what he was working on. He'd work on Bucky's arm a lot, too. Upgrading it, fitting it with new gadgets and tech every chance he got. It was like he was actively avoiding everything that could help him and focusing on building them an arsenal. 

At first, Bucky didn't mind. The added protection was definitely something he was comfortable with. But, as time went on, he started to feel more anxious and jumpy the more Tony remained absent from their bed when he woke up from his nightmares. He'd go down to the workshop and spend hours trying to coax Tony upstairs and into bed with him. Promises of sex whispered into his ear usually did the trick, but sometimes that didn't work. Sometimes it was just a simple request to come upstairs and watch a movie with him that got the desired response. It depended on Tony's mood. 

Then, the night came that Tony didn't show up to comfort Bucky at all. This nightmare had been one of the worst. It had started with cold, and pain. So much pain. He couldn't move, could barely breathe. And there was some coppery tasting liquid bubbling in his mouth. Blood. That had to be blood. His own blood? Probably. Then there was blackness and then sudden bright lights and faces he didn't know and poking and prodding and he still couldn't move. He struggled against straps and then there was the chair. He could feel the shocks coursing through his brain, wave after wave, until there was nothing left but his muffled screams. 

It hadn't stopped there. The faces of men he feared, the faces of men and women he'd killed. Some he'd seen in previous dreams, others he didn't know. Didn't recognize. New ones, apparently. Then there was Tony, through the view of the scope of his sniper riffle. He knew this day. The day he defected. Deserted HYDRA. But he didn't pause.  
He squeezed the trigger. Tony turned. Round, sparkling brown eyes looked up. Straight at him. The bullet hit. Center of his forehead. Went straight through. Embedded in the wall of the building he'd just stepped out of. Bucky watched through the scope-unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to think-as Tony staggered. The sparkling light in those big brown eyes flickered, died, went dark. First, the knees went, then the ankles. He dropped. Fell limp, lifeless, unmoving, to the pavement below. His head bounced as it hit. Blood pooled under him slowly, sluggishly. 

Bucky woke screaming, bolting straight up out of bed, hands flying to his hair. Gripping, clawing at his scalp. He was screaming Tony's name, but Tony never came. He started to believe he'd killed him. He'd killed Tony. Somehow, someway, that part of his nightmare had become true. It wasn't until JARVIS started speaking that he figured out it wasn't true. 

"Master Barnes, Sir is in the workshop, but has muted me in the area," The AI said around him. The familiar voice calmed him somewhat, but his breathing was still erratic and his heart was still pounding in his ears. He stumbled out of the bed and somehow made his way down to the workshop. 

Music was blaring and Tony was working. He was alive, but unaware of the horrors Bucky's mind had just conjured up for his viewing displeasure. Tony's back was turned to the door of the workshop, so he didn't notice Bucky was there until he was yanked backwards into his arms. 

"Whoa! Wha-? Shit, Blue?" He exclaimed, startled. He wiggled around until he could face him and Bucky just buried his face in Tony's shoulder and wept. "Hey, it's okay. I've got ya." Tony held him as they sank to the ground, petting his hair and rocking him gently. 

"I-I-I killed you," Bucky murmured, over and over and over. He shook so hard he couldn't get a good enough grip on Tony and his hands moved and shifted and fisted in his shirt, tugged and pulled and-

"No. No, no. Hey," Tony pulled back and tilted Bucky's head up, forcing him to look at his eyes. Big, brown, round, sparkling. The dream flashed in front of his face. Dead, hollow, big, brown, lifeless. He whimpered and his hands fisted in Tony's shirt again, trembling so badly that he could see the material of it shaking in sync with him. "I'm right here, Bucky-Blue. You didn't kill me. You defected. You left HYDRA, fought your Handlers, and showed up right here. Didn't have a name, a past, anything. But you were here, nonthreatening, just lookin' for help. Remember?" 

Slowly, Bucky started to calm down and nodded along as Tony recounted their lives together, from the day they'd officially met and onwards. Proving that Bucky's nightmare was just that. A nightmare. But what scared him was that it could have happened. Could still happen if HYDRA got their hands on him again. 

"Tony, please...come upstairs?" He asked quietly, still clinging to him. Without hesitation Tony agreed and pulled them from the floor. They made their way back upstairs and into the bedroom where Bucky proceeded to cling to him. He touched the arc reactor gently, feeling it hum quietly beneath his palm. He moved his hand slightly to the left and there it was. Tony's heartbeat. Steady, calm. Bucky sighed and pulled Tony closer, pushing his nose into his hair and breathing in his scent. 

They fell asleep like that, and thankfully, when Bucky woke up, Tony was still there, sleeping soundly in his arms. 

~~~

Tony still had anxiety attacks and flashbacks of New York. Bucky still had nightmares that told him how much blood was on his hands. But Bucky never woke up without Tony being there beside him anymore. After an argument with JARVIS about how the AI should have gotten his attention by unmuting himself or cutting off the music, it had been decided-by Tony, surprisingly-that there would be no more sneaking out of bed. 

That had been a major relief...until _it_ happened. 

It was the first time Bucky had had a flashback of one of his killings while he was awake. And it was more vivid than any of the others. He'd seen old photos of Howard and Maria before, before he'd known who he was, and they'd always seemed vaguely familiar. He didn't know why until that day. 

Tony had been out with Rhodey. Probably talking about the switch from 'War Machine' to 'Iron Patriot.' Bucky had made the joke that the armor looked like the love child of one of Tony's suits and Steve's uniform. That had gotten a laugh out of Tony. So, he was out, having some well needed friend time away from the mansion. Bucky was alone, wandering the big, empty house. He didn't feel like watching television, or reading. So, he'd decided to go through one of Tony's old photo albums. 

He was flipping through it idly, when he came across a picture of Howard and Maria together. They were older, Howard's hair was white, and they had a few wrinkles on their faces. He knew these faces. Bucky's eyes widened as his surroundings blurred and he was suddenly standing in the road, headlights headed towards him. 

He watched as the car crashed. Felt himself squeeze the life out of Maria Stark with his flesh and blood hand, then do the same to Howard Stark. The car had burned, making it look completely like an accident. Just as he'd been ordered. Howard had recognized him. Maria hadn't. She'd never met him, and he'd never met her. But Howard knew him. He'd killed someone he'd considered, begrudgingly, a friend from his days as a Howling Commando. 

When he snapped back to reality the photo album was on the floor and he was curled up on the couch, rocking himself back and forth. He'd killed Tony's parents. Murdered them in cold blood. He couldn't keep this from Tony, but he couldn't tell him either. Hiding the truth from him would tear him up inside, because he'd see two of the people he murdered in the face of the man he loved. Telling him would kill him, because Tony would see him for the monster that he really was and shun him. 

He wasn't thinking when he grabbed a bag and stuffed it with a few clothes, scrawled a small note-'I love you. I'm sorry.'-and left it on the bed. He didn't really come back to himself until he was across the country, at the Tower in New York, waiting for someone to come to the door. It was Steve that greeted him on the common floor, looking worried and alarmed. 

"Hey. Tony just called. Said you had disappeared," He said, guiding him towards the couch and sitting him down. "What happened, Buck? Is everything okay?" 

"...I killed his parents, Steve," Bucky whispered, his voice broken, and his back falling from his shoulder and onto the floor as he sat there. He looked worse than Steve had ever seen him. Wrecked and shaken and completely broken. "I killed Howard...and Maria. With my bare hands, Stevie. I can't-...How can I face him knowing that I did that? That I made him an orphan?" 

Steve was quiet for a long time, his brows furrowed in that way he did when he was worried. Bucky didn't look at him, but down at his hands. The hands he'd used to end Howard and Maria's lives. The hands he'd used to make Tony Stark an orphan. The hands he'd almost used to reunite him with his parents years ago. 

"Come on," He finally said, pulling Bucky gently to his feet. "We'll get you settled in and then figure out what to do." Bucky just nodded and let Steve guide him to his floor and into the extra room. It didn't feel right living in the penthouse where he'd lived with Tony. 

~~~

"Is Bucky there?" Tony asked as soon as Steve picked up. "Please tell me he's there." The worry was evident in the tightness of Tony's voice and Steve sighed softly. 

"He's here. He hasn't come out of his room since he got here," Steve explained, sitting down at the kitchen table. He kept the doorway in his line of sight just in case Bucky decided to emerge from his room while he was on the phone. 

"What's going on, Steve? Is he okay? Did I do something?" Tony fired off his questions in rapid succession, his voice growing more and more worried as he continued speaking.

"I just got back from lunch with Rhodey and found his note on the bed and some of his stuff his gone and-and-and-" 

"Tony. Slow down," Steve said, a little harsher than he'd meant to. He sighed heavily and ran a hand down his face. "It's nothing you did. I promise. It's-..." He paused, wondering if he should tell Tony what Bucky had told him. But Tony already knew. He was a good enough hacker to have dug up everything on the Winter Soldier that he could find, including potential targets. Steve had been there when Tony had found everything out about Bucky's past, what he knew and what he hadn't known-everything to do with the Winter Soldier. Tony's parents had been on the list of potential targets. Steve had worried that Tony would flip, but he'd watched as Tony simply swallowed and told him that it wasn't Bucky. It was HYDRA. He blamed HYDRA, not Bucky. 

"Steve?" Tony's voice cut through Steve's thoughts and he sighed again. 

"Tony. He remembered," Steve finally said, deciding it was best to tell Tony before he started spiraling into pit of self-destruction. "He remembered killing your parents, and he blames himself." Tony was quiet for a long time, which was uncharacteristic for him. 

"Did you tell him that it wasn't his fault? That it was HYDRA?" He finally asked. Steve nodded before he realized that Tony couldn't see him. 

"Yeah, when I was getting him to his room I tried tell him that, but he wouldn't listen," He said, slumping further into his seat. "I'll keep trying, but it's gonna take some time to get him to come around. Give him a few days. Once I've coaxed him out of the room, I'll call you and you can fly up here and talk to him." 

"...I don't like waiting, but...yeah. Yeah, okay," Tony agreed, obviously annoyed that he'd have to wait, but he knew that Bucky needed time. This was still fresh to him. It was like he'd just killed him. Tony knew that. Bucky had explained to him once that when he woke up from a nightmare that was more of a flashback that it felt like it had just happened. "I'll wait. For Bucky, I'll wait as long as it takes. He's worth every second it takes." Steve felt a small smile grace his lips. 

"Thanks for understanding, Tony," He replied. Tony laughed, but it was hollow, and there was a small sound at the end that almost sounded like a whimper. "Are you gonna be okay?" 

"Yeah. I'll manage," Tony answered, but he didn't really sound convinced himself. "Just...take care of him for me? JARVIS knows what to do when he wakes up from nightmares. He'll wake you up, let you know. He'll need you to comfort him, tell him that he's safe, that he's okay. It helps if you tell him where he is and who you are and things like that."

"Yeah. I'll take care of him," Steve said, nodding along and taking mental notes on what Tony said. "Just take care of yourself. For him. Alright?" 

"Yeah. Yeah, okay," Tony sighed. He sounded so drained. "I'll talk to you later. Check up. See how he's doing." 

"I'll keep you updated." 

"Good. Thanks...I'll-...yeah. Later." And the call ended. Steve put his phone down and buried his face in his hands. This wasn't going to be easy on any of them. But he hoped that everything went smoothly. 

~~~

And everything did seem to be going according to plan. Until Tony called and told Steve that Happy was in the hospital in intensive care. He'd been caught in an explosion and had barely survived. This pushed back their plans, but Steve understood. Happy was one of Tony's best friends. He'd been his bodyguard for years, and he'd given him the position of head of security at Stark Industries. 

Steve told Bucky what was happening, and Bucky had offered Steve the first smile he'd cracked since showing up at the Tower a few days earlier. 

"He'll get this guy. No problem," He'd said, tracing the gold outline of the blue star on his bionic arm. And Steve believed him. But it wouldn't last very long. Tony had issued a threat, giving this guy, the Mandarin, his home address out of rage. 

Steve had been watching the news when he saw it. A shot of Tony's Malibu mansion, with a missile coming straight for it. He'd acted before thinking, running to Bucky's room and grabbing him. 

"We have to go. Now," He said urgently. At Bucky's look of confusion Steve continued. "Tony issued a threat on the Mandarin, gave him his address. We-" He didn't get the chance to say any more before Bucky was past him and out the door. Steve followed him to the garage and into a car. They were halfway to Malibu, breaking every traffic law there was in existence, when the news hit them. 

Steve had been going through radio stations, flipping through until he'd found a news station. He'd listen for a minute or so until he was sure they weren't going to be saying anything about Tony's threat and then go through the rounds again. He was about to flip it off when the news caster paused for a second of radio silence, as though getting something. 

"This just in," The man said, clearing his throat. "After the bombing of the Chinese Theater, billionaire Tony Stark issued a threat to the Mandarin, giving away his home address. I am saddened to say that the Mandarin answered the threat. Mr. Tony Stark's home in Malibu, California has been destroyed. Presumably with him still inside." 

Steve jumped as Bucky's bionic hand punched through the console, silencing the radio permanently. The car lurched as Bucky wove around an SUV, barely keeping control. His jaw was clenched, a small muscle twitching. His eyes forward, focused. 

"It's not true," He hissed, sounding more like he was trying to keep it together than deadly. "He's not dead. He can't be dead, Stevie. The suits. He-he's probably safe. Hiding. Something. I don't know. But he can't be dead. He...he had this-this prototype that came to him on command, using these sensor things in his arms. He's not dead, Steve. He-he can't be..." 

Steve remained silent, listening to his friend's voice break and fade and get quiet until it was nothing but a choked sob. He reached over and squeezed Bucky's shoulder. He thought that maybe they were going to pull over, but Bucky shook himself and pressed down on the gas pedal even harder. 

They made it to Malibu, and what they saw was a massive empty spot of rubble where the mansion used to be. Pepper was there, and so was the press. Thankfully, Pepper saw them first and ran over. She grabbed Bucky's arms and held him at arms length, looking him over quickly before pulling him into a hug. He hugged her back, not knowing what else to do. The last time he'd seen the mansion it had been standing there all gaudy glass and concrete in weird shapes that Bucky still didn't understand. Now it was rubble, most of it down in the ocean below. 

"They're still combing through the wreckage, Blue," Pepper said, feeling the way Bucky was shaking. "We don't know if he's alive or dead yet, but there's still hope." She pulled back and looked him over again. "Where have you been the past few days?" 

"...At the Tower. I remembered something, Pep. I couldn't tell Tony about it," He said, shaking his head and looking down in shame and regret. "That's no excuse...I should've been here. Could've gotten him out. Known he was safe. I'm sorry...It's my fault. I should've-...should've stayed." Pepper pulled him into another hug and then went to talk to Steve, see if she could get anything more out of him. 

The press swarmed around Bucky, but he didn't really notice the shouts of 'Mr. Barnes?' or 'Sergeant Barnes?' But after a bit the droning got too much, and he thought he heard Tony's voice in the rabble and looked up. No. No Tony, just reporters. 

"Mr. Barnes, what do you plan to do now that Mr. Stark is presumed dead?" Someone asked. 

"Will you be going after the Mandarin?" Another asked. He looked into each reporter's face, studying them quietly. Assessing them. 

"You'll see," He said simply, pushing away from the car and slipping into the passanger seat, slamming the door shut and cutting off the noise. He sunk into his seat and pulled the hood of his jacket up over his head. He felt hollow, drained, lifeless. Like his heart had just been ripped from his chest, leaving a giant, gaping hole that nothing could fill. But he still had to believe. 

Tony wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. Pepper stayed behind to handle the media as Bucky and Steve went back to New York. Bucky went down to one of the computer labs and started compiling everything he could on the Mandarin. His calls for JARVIS were useless. The AI seemed to be out of commission. 

He was on his own for this one. 

~~~

Tony was alive. Crash landed, but alive. JARVIS was down and so was his suit. Plus he was in Tennessee so...well, whatever. He'd figure it out. He needed to call Bucky, let him know he was alive before he went off and did something stupidly insane. It took a while but he got to a small town, with a phone booth. Huh...apparently they did still exist. That was lucky.

The phone rang and it took him until the second ring to remember that Bucky had left his phone in Malibu. He laughed and conked his head against the glass. He'd leave a message anyway. Then he'd call Pepper. She'd let Bucky know he was alive. 

Pepper got the message, but Bucky never did. She never got the chance to pass it on that Tony was alive, given that she was dealing with being kidnapped by Killian. And when she went missing, Bucky kicked it into high gear. He'd found the Mandarin's hide out in Miami, which...really? He was expecting Pakistan or Afghanistan. But, he guessed it was smart. Hiding among the people you're terrorizing. 

He was going to kill this man, get Pepper, and hopefully find Tony in the process. Then he'd apologize and tell him everything. He shouldn't have run. It was stupid and selfish and-... Tony was probably having anxiety attacks at every turn. He still believed that Tony was alive, despite not having heard anything from him, or gotten Pepper's message. 

He had to believe that Tony was alive. If he didn't...He didn't know what he'd end up doing. 

~~~

Someone had already been there, and by the description the actor, Trevor, had given, it was Tony. But he hadn't had a suit. Well...that was...impressive. Killian was the mastermind behind everything apparently. With a little persuasion he gave up the fact that Tony had been incapacitated and taken by one of Killian's goons. 

The revenge mission turned to a rescue mission, and that turned out to be harder than it looked. He hadn't been fully aware of the hyper healing, extreme heat that had the vents in his arm working overtime, or the extent he had to go to just to knock them out. He found the dungeon just as Killian was showing Tony what he'd done to Pepper. 

"I really wanted to try this on your super soldier. The one with that amazing arm," Killian was saying, standing up and moving towards Tony. "I bet he would've taken to Extremis amazingly well. But...couldn't find him. So, I settled for what I could get." 

Bucky didn't need to hear any more. Just as he was moving, the woman-Mia-threatened to blow them all up. He moved quickly when he saw the gun in Killian's hand. He shot, threw off Killian's bullet. It barely missed her. He kept Killian busy while Mia got Tony off the rack he was tied to. 

Everything after that was blur. Rhodey had been in the facility, Pepper was taken by Killian after he got away from Bucky. Rhodey's suit was taken, and could this day get any worse? ...The speed boat was nice, but everything else, not so much. Saving the president was a bust, but Tony was able to save everyone else on the plane after killing the guy that had stolen Rhodey's armor. That was a plus. 

It was when they were on the oil tanker that things got...complicated. 

"...Where's Bucky?" Rhodey asked, looking back at Tony as they jogged up the staircase. Tony looked behind, saw that Bucky wasn't there and looked around. 

"Um...not sure. He does this a lot," Tony answered, following Rhodey into cover. "He'll show up. Randomly. It's weird." He kept looking around until he spotted Bucky up on the catwalk. "Oh. There he is." Rhodey looked up just in time to see Bucky snap someone's neck and disappear again. 

"...Can I borrow him on a mission one of these days?" Rhodey asked. Tony snorted. 

"No. He's my Bucky-Blue, not yours," He replied, shaking his head. 

"Didn't know I was owned," Bucky said, sliding into cover with them. There was a playfully sarcastic lit to his voice. 

"Jesus! Make some damn noise or warn us next time," Rhodey hissed at him, leaning his head back against the cover. Tony popped up to see who was coming after them and dropped back down, telling them what he saw. They needed back up. 

Then the suits came, and everything went into hyperdrive. Tony and Bucky went after Pepper, Rhodey went to save the president, and...well. Chaos reigned for the next half hour or so. Pepper almost died, but didn't. Went Extremis and proved to everyone that their fear of her rage was very, very logical and well deserved. 

After everything was said and done Tony looked at Bucky, panting, beat up, and worn out and said, "You, me...we gotta talk. Later. At dinner. ...Probably at the Tower." Bucky just nodded and turned to rest his head against Tony's shoulder. The relief that Tony was alive and the adrenaline pumping thorugh him were making him shake. But they were okay. They'd talk and get everything sorted out. 

~~~

It was later, and they were at the Tower...but the talk hadn't happened yet. After everything that calmed down and they'd settled, Bucky had begun actively avoiding Tony again. He spent most of his time in the gym trying to keep from seeing Howard and Maria. It was there that Tony found him after day three of post-Killian avoidance.  
He cleared his throat to grab Bucky's attention and leaned against the door with a quirked eyebrow. Bucky glanced at him before looking away, starting to unwind the tape around his flesh and blood hand. 

"Alright, talk time," Tony said, pushing his hands into his pockets and walking further into the gym. He looked nervous, and a bit pissed off. "You've been avoiding me for way too long. Bed's gettin' lonely, the workshop isn't the same without you there. Come on, babe. Just talk to me. Please?" Bucky sighed, his shoulders sagging, and he lifted his head to look at Tony. 

"Tony...I killed-" He started, but Tony threw up his hands.

"I'm gonna stop you right there," He said, stepping into Bucky's personal space and taking his hands in his. When Bucky went to pull away, Tony gave him that stubborn look of his and tightened his grip. Bucky conceded and relaxed his hands, wrapping them gently around Tony's. "I already know what this whole shtick is about. I called Steve when I found you gone. He told me what you'd told him." 

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, he wasn't quite sure what, but Tony rolled his eyes and put a hand over his mouth. 

"Shush. Let me finish," He said, waiting for a nod before he took Bucky's hand back and squeezed gently. "When Steve recognized you and I went looking for every little thing I could find about James Buchanan Barnes, I found the connection between you and the Winter Soldier. You know that. But what I didn't tell you, what I didn't show you, was the list of possible targets." He paused and waited for a second, licking his lips nervously. "My parents were on that list. I already knew, before you even knew that you were you, that _HYDRA_ had killed them." 

"You-?" Bucky started, only to be interrupted again.

"James Buchanan Barnes, I told you to let me finish," Tony said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Bucky shut his mouth, his jaw clinching, but he nodded. Tony sighed. "Good. I never blamed you, Bucky-Blue. HYDRA brainwashed you, controlled you, tortured you. They took away you name, your identity, your humanity. They used you. You didn't kill my parents. _They did_. Understand?" 

Bucky nodded and tugged Tony closer, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his shoulder. Tony held him tightly and kissed his jaw and cheek softly. 

"...I can still see them, Tony," Bucky whispered, his voice shaking. "Howard knew me. He recognized me. And I just-" Tony shushed him gently, petting his hair and rocking them from side to side slightly. 

"It's okay. You didn't have a choice," The engineer was saying softly. "They didn't give you a choice." It took a while before Bucky was calm enough to pull back and smile softly at Tony. It would take him some time, but he wouldn't avoid Tony any more. Tony smiled back and pulled him down for a long, slow kiss. He didn't want to admit it, but he'd whimpered softly at the intimate contact. He'd missed this. 

"I'm sorry..." Bucky murmured once they'd parted, resting his forehead against Tony's.

"Good. See what happens when you leave me alone?" Tony said, smirking at him. "Get my house blown into the ocean, Extremis, old one-night stands come back and bite me. It's not a good idea." Bucky laughed and kissed him again.

"You're a punk," He muttered, but he was still laughing and smiling. 

Bucky still had nightmares, and Tony still had his panic attacks, but they were there for each other whenever they needed each other. Side by side. Tony and his Bucky-Blue. Just like it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> Sappy ending is sappy. It ended up involving a lot more of Iron Man 3 than I thought it would. Whoops... Let me know what you guys thought in the comments.


End file.
